Individuals who lack self-confidence often seek approval from others over themselves and will avoid taking risks or engaging in potentially uncomfortable situations.
Self-esteem develops during childhood and early adulthood, and can fluctuate at various points throughout their lives. Unfortunately, low self-esteem may result from life events or external factors.
Negative self-talk
Negative self-talk is one of the main contributors to low Self Esteem. While changing years of negative thoughts about yourself may seem impossible, there are ways you can work toward changing it – try speaking to yourself as you would speak to a good friend and replace negative with positive thoughts instead.
As another way of challenging false and irrational beliefs, you can also challenge irrational and false thoughts. For instance, if you believe someone canceled plans last-minute because they dislike you, perhaps reconsider how you interpret that situation.
Mental health professionals can assist in pinpointing the source of negative self-talk, and helping you develop more productive thoughts to replace it with. Choosing Therapy has partnered with BetterHelp and Talkiatry and is compensated for marketing their programs.
Self-blame
Low self-esteem has many possible sources. They may include lack of caregiver support, trauma, academic stressors and negative belief systems; abuse may also have a devastating effect on one’s perceptions of themselves.
People with low self-esteem tend to engage in harmful self-criticism. They might tell themselves things such as “I’m stupid” and “I’m worthless”. Additionally, they may avoid social situations which make them feel uncomfortable or develop unhealthy habits such as dodging challenges and difficult tasks.
Recognizing the sources of self-esteem issues is the first step toward building healthy self-esteem, and patients can often uncover them by working in therapy sessions with mental health professionals.
Lack of self-confidence
Low self-esteem makes achieving goals and experiencing happiness harder, which may also contribute to mental health conditions like anxiety or depression.
People with low self-esteem may shun social situations and use unhealthy coping mechanisms such as lashing out or using self-destructive means to try to manage their emotions, rather than trying to address the source. They might lash out at others or find ways to make themselves feel worse instead of finding ways to resolve issues effectively.
Root causes of low Self Esteem can vary depending on a person’s life experiences and traumas, but therapy can help patients identify these reasons so they can work toward developing a more positive view of themselves.
Difficulty accepting compliments
People with low Self Esteem often have difficulty accepting compliments. They may assume the person providing it has some other intent and feel defensive in response.
They may compare themselves constantly with others, which is an unrealistic and unhealthy way of coping. Such negative patterns can lead to anxiety, depression, or mood disorders. Working in therapy with a professional therapist can help individuals identify the root causes of their self-esteem issues; learn healthier coping methods; develop healthier self-esteem – which will allow them to move forward with a higher quality of life.
Lack of healthy boundaries
Lack of healthy boundaries is one of the primary contributors to low Self Esteem. Without healthy boundaries in place, people may become more prone to being hurt by others and may find it harder than necessary to ask for assistance or assert themselves when needed.
Healthy boundaries involve all aspects of health: physical, emotional and mental. For example, they could include restricting contact with toxic people, refusing to accept negative thoughts, and not permitting anyone else to harm them.
Therapists can assist in helping you set healthy boundaries and develop a more positive view of yourself, though healing any damage already done might take more than one session to achieve lasting change.
People-pleasing
Submitting to others’ needs without prioritizing your own can be admirable in moderation, but excessive people-pleasing puts you at risk of emotional, mental, and physical exhaustion as well as potentially unhealthy relationships.
Your sense of identity could come to depend on others approving and validating you; you could find yourself smothering friends or engaging with toxic relationships as a coping strategy.
Good news – it is possible to alter your people-pleasing ways! In this episode of the VeryWell Mind Podcast, therapist Amy Morin provides insight into why and how this occurs.